[apologies for uploading all of this after a week – there was no wireless in the hostel in Phuket though the internet was OK for email]

Phuket is an island off the west coast of Thailand and its beaches were affected by the Tsunami all those months ago. To look at it, you’d never guess – aside from the brand new “Tsunami Escape Route” road signs, which very informatively point you in the opposite direction from the sea front. Just in case you couldn’t figure that much out. Yes, folks – run away from the big wall of water.

This is the only island with a bridge connection to the mainland and as a result is almost as busy trafficwise as anywhere else in Thailand. This means endless shouts of “Hey, mister! Tuk-tuk? Taxi? Where you go?”. This afternoon I had just stepped off a minibus when someone literally accosted me and asked where I was going. If I hadn’t been so tired I’d have tried to barter a fare to my hostel – about 10 yards from where I was stood.

The hostel is great and is the one recommended to me by Prashant (thank you!). It’s exceedingly clean, the staff friendly and the people here have been a great bunch to meet and spend time with. I got in rather late on Tuesday night. My flight from Bangkok had been cancelled, and Air Asia couldn’t get hold of me as the only phone number I’d given them was for my parents. However, though I was happy to wait 90 minutes or so for the next flight, they managed to book me on an alternative with a different company. Very nice of them! I don’t think the plane was of the standard of the one I would have been on (and the snack was just some rather dodgy peanuts) but what they hey – saved me some time.

A minibus from the airport was a bargain 100Baht and I got settled in here quite quickly. Two Kiwis were busy playing biology class with a dead cockroach on an electric tennis racquet (seriously) and we decided to hop off out and get a few beers. The only problem was that as a result of the next day’s election there was a freeze on alcohol sales. Argh.

This time, a tuk-tuk driver came to our rescue. For 150Baht (massively overpriced for the distance, but hey – he did us a favour) he took us to a nice restaurant which sold beer. I had deep fried chicken nuggets and some fantastic chips… and beer. Much beer. Whether due to the alcohol ban or whether this is normal for the place we were at, the beer was served out of large silver teapots! Every time a glass got past a third empty, one of the waitesses (dressed as schoolgirls, naturally) popped over and refilled it.

The bill wasn’t cheap, but then we had no idea how much we’d drunk. Aside from “a lot”. And the food was good. We walked back in about 15 minutes – the tuk-tuk driver had taken us a very roundabout route to make the fare seem worthwhile.

I’ve spent the last day or so virtually indoors to avoid the water being thrown around. I think Songkran is now over so I should be OK to pop out for a bit! My main concern was when I got off the airport bus at roughly 6pm (and after sundown), and some little sprog chucked a bucket of water all over my laptop bag.

No damage, fortunately.

My only need to traipse out during daylight hours is to visit a bookshop as I have 6 novels to return for credit. I did get through a fair bit the last week or so! I also popped to the cinema to see Ice Age 2 last night, which was mostly enjoyable. Like any cartoon, though, as soon as you start adding animals falling in love it gets a bit twee. Skrit (the little squirrely creature who chases acorns) just makes the whole film, though. The scenes with him are reminiscent of classic Warner Bros and are worth going to see the film for.

Today we have Newcastle away at the land of darkness, though it doesn’t look like it’s televised which is unbelievable. Ah well. I shall head to the Bull anyway and see what they do have to watch. Worst case, I catch another match and then go to see The Wild at the cinema afterwards.

Tomorrow evening I head for Phuket, where I hope the weather holds to allow me 5 days on the clean beaches and swimming in the crystal waters. They’ve got to be cleaner than the drips coming into my dorm from the ceiling right now.

In other news, someone has attempted to break into my houe back in Bradford. Thank you, Steve, for letting me know. They smashed a small window pane in the kitchen and attempted to force one of the other window locks. The thing is, it’s incredibly obvious that there’s nothing in the house to steal, certainly nothing that would fit out through any window.

Squatters must also be out as an option as they’re not allowed to damage the property in any way upon entry or while squatting or they can be arrested and thrown out. So, basically, I have no idea why someone bothered.

The police have been round and fitted a lock (for which I thank them) and I’ve asked my folks to get the estate agent over to have a look. If anything else needs done, the property’s still insured and that can be sorted.

Well, I shall get back to my Coco Pops and dodgy market-stall CDs (I bought 7 in Chiang Mai). If I finish the book I’m reading, I’ll go to the book shop today and load up for Phuket.

Oh, and if you thought the BBC’s weather reports were unreliable within the UK you should check out today’s report for Bangkok. They reckon 34 degrees and bright sunshine. At 10:38am there are strong winds, heavy rain and no visible sunshine at all outside! Short of a world-first snowstorm, they couldn’t have it more wrong.

As I sit writing this, many of you will just be getting up for work. Ready to face another day in the office, the long drive there, the traffic… Except maybe Phil, who’ll be running round trying to find matching cufflinks and making sure plane tickets are where they should be for the honeymoon after he gets married tomorrow. I don’t know which of the two situations is worse 😉

I’m splayed out on a sun lounger by the pool on the roof of a five star hotel, just waiting for the sun to pop over the top of the building. There are maybe 12 people here, it is peaceful and I have been working my way through yet another novel. After years of not having the time to read due to my OU courses, work and so on I am now ploughing through 2-3 books a week. I may have a dip in the pool in a while.

Yesterday was fun. Pop (who runs the B&B) borrowed a flatbed from her grandparents. We loaded it with two dustbins filled with water and 8 of us took off for the moat area and much water-related carnage.

It was bedlam.

Eventually, we came a cropped as the traffic ground to a halt due to the enormous number of vehicles filled with people doing much the same. This did mean we could refill easily enough, running back and forth to the moat with buckets to replenish our (now iced courtesy of a street seller and 100Baht) water. Lenny managed to get his foot run over (no damage done – this is a guy who can open beer bottles with his teeth), and I got trapped when another 4×4 parked on the heel of my right flip-flop!

We managed to escape up a side street and parked at a mall, taking off on foot. The streets were packed with people. Every 100 yards there was a new stereo blasting out music, band performing, or dancers gyrating to convince you to drink some brand of alcohol or other.

We didn’t take much convincing. 7-11 and the street sellers made a pretty penny from our desire to really get in the party mood. Mind, at prices as low as 20Baht for a can of “Cheers” beer, getting merry was hardly financially challenging.

Everywhere you walked for about quarter of a mile, water was spraying from hoses, foam erupting from cannon, beer flowing, people dancing, music belting… Water over an inch deep was literally flowing down the streets. Thames Valley Water would have screamed if they’d seen so many hosepipes in one place. Just fantastic. The atmosphere was enough to raise the hairs on your neck and everyone had the biggest smiles. And this goes on for almost a week.

Thais were giving us free beer, whisky and un-named creamy-looking Cocktails of Doom (I confess I tried to chug one and ended up… erm… regurgitating most of it back into the glass).

The lady-boys were out in full force, at one point trying to strip one poor sod down to his underwear. Only he wasn’t wearing any. They were also the only ones with a decorated parade-style “float” rather than just a truck loaded with water.

So as well as being kind, helpful, polite and friendly, the Thais really know how to party. I mean, really. When the mood takes them, they utterly rock.

I did chance life, limb and leprosy by going for a swim in the moat. Three times. It’s not the cleanest water in the world, but I’m not dead or puking so I guess I’m OK. On a cleanliness scale, imagine something like the Tyne, Mersey or Clyde only without a current to move the water along. I think I bounced twice before I found a place unpolluted enough to submerge.

I made it back to 3Sis around 10:30. I didn’t realise how late it was, but time flies when you have no watch – I replaced the battery but it’s not waterproof so I left it in my room. The others decided to meander back and I fancied a quicker stroll so I paced off ahead. After a lot of footwork I found a section of the Night Bazaar I’d not seen before and a temple absolutely swamped with people. The inner area (where the Buddha statue is) was barely visible and they seemed to be operating a nightclub-like “one in, one out” policy. It was very pleasant seeing a temple being busy with people there for the “right” reasons, not just tourism.

After more random wandering I located a tuk-tuk for hire, and it was another of those who claimed he knew where he was going… but after 30 minutes, two phone calls and him asking me if I recognised where we’d ended up it became obvious he didn’t have a flipping clue. When we reached somewhere near Singapore, I gave up and told him to head for McDonalds at the Night Bazaar. I could walk home from there.

Another thing about Thailand is how clean it is. The streets are swept regularly, and very few people litter – there’s a 1000Baht fine even for fag ends. I walked for well over an hour barefoot with no concerns over broken glass or whatever. Thais walking their dog always have a roll of toilet paper with them to clear up afterwards.

Today I shall chill. Surprisingly, I wasn’t hung over and was awake from 8:30am again. Still, I’m glad I didn’t book the Chiang Rai trip as that would have meant getting up at 6:45! I was going to book the ATV for tomorrow morning, but there’s a chance it might run over and I have to be at the airport by 2pm to catch my flight back to Bangkok.

Hanoi, though, is booked. I fly, one way, on the 26th and will be at the Hanoi Backpacker’s Hostel for 14 nights at least. I think it’s $US7.50 a night or thereabouts, though if I get a Youth Hostel membership I save 20%. This could be worth it as I’ll effectively get my money back after about 18 nights and I hope to be in Hanoi for some time.

Anyway, the crystal clear waters beckon. And I think I may get the waiter to bring me another ice-cold Coke. Enjoy your days at work. Or panicking over upcoming nuptuals…

[addendum – I’m typing this up 9 hours later and I’m a stunning shade of red. As the ADSL at the guesthouse has gone up the swanny, I’ll be posting this from an internet café. On the same excursion I shall be buying a big bottle of aftersun from Boots. Oh, and I heartily recommend Life Expectancy by Dean Koontz. One of the best books I have read in an age. And I’ve read some very good books recently.]

[addendum 2 – Got an email from my folks. Turns out that the letter from the solicitor was sent to number 19 on my old street. The woman at number 19 (lovely lass, if I remember) recognised my name and popped it through my door. All fine and hunky dory aside from the fact that I don’t live there any more and said letter was supposed to be sent to Perth. The estate agent, at my parents’ behest, collected all the mail from behind the door and sent it to them. The letter was there. So all these letters to Bangkok and Hanoi were a waste of time and money. I really hope the solicitor isn’t thinking of charging me for sending them out…]

Chiang Mai. North of Thailand and its second-biggest city. And also reckoned as being the best place for Songkran. If by “best” you mean “most likely to get soaked in”.

I’ve made one quick excursion into town and managed to get some flip flops, 2 Tintin t-shirts for Indy and no watch battery. Holy grail the last one, I think. Somehow I’m reaching the conclusion it’ll be easier to buy a cheap knock-off Cartier.

The “night market” starts setting up about 3pm and it’s essentially about 3 gazillion trolley stalls which get dragged around by people, motorbikes, vans… Well, roughly 3 gazillion. I lost count at 1.75 gazillion. They’re not careful with them. The screeches of metal on metal as they’re cannoned and dragged past each other is almost painful.

On the way back up, disaster. Two young(ish) Thai girls (probably early twenties) armed with a hose and two buckets struck. *SPLOOSH* being a good sport, I just let them. Heck, it’s only water. And I was outnumbered. Then their mum smeared some kind of powdery stuff on my face. Bizarre. I’ve heard they often use coloured powders, but this just looked like talcum only it smelled utterly different. More mediciney.

Anyway, they started arguing over which was going to be my girlfriend while I tried to soak them in return (successfully) and then I made good my exit, squishing up the street, trainers squirting water everywhere. I really should have changed into my flip-flops when I bought them.

There were a few Brits at the next pub throughfully throwing water at passing motorists who attempted to soak me too. I think I took the wind out of their sails when I pointed out that someone else had beaten them to it. Then cheered up when I told them where they could likely find some decent competition.

So I am now sat in my room with fresh clothing and flip flips on (which I shouldn’t really indoors but they are brand new), wondering how long it’ll take my clothes and money to dry out. This was why I packed football shirts. They dry very fast indeed!

One unfortunate thing is that I won’t be able to get any photos of the night market during my stay. I can’t risk taking my camera out during Songkran for obvious reasons. If I did get a cheap disposeable, I’d have to wait till I got the pics back and scanned them somehow.

I’m sure I’ll be back here someday, though. I can wait til then. In the meantime, I’m off on a walking trek tomorrow which includes bamboo rafting, elephant riding and a visit to one of the “long neck” tribes in the mountains. Oh, and some waterfalls. All for about £12 including lunch. Bargain.